The Panties Predicament
by hopefuladdict
Summary: Five times Spock removed Nyota's panties without using his hands and the one time she enjoyed it. Total Crack Fic. Picked the Genres because it may be funny to some and a tragedy to another.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:**

**I don't own Star Trek. This work would generate no money and even if it did, I'm sure Paramount and Bad Robot wouldn't want to claim any association with it!**

**A/N**

**For the ladies at the WA. Thanks to to all of them, with a cherry on top to TalesFromTheSpockSide for the beta work. Nerdie planted the idea...just saying!**

**Five times Spock removed Nyota's panties without using his hands and the one time she enjoyed it. **

**One  
**  
The natives had captured and tied the landing party to the trees and left them. Spock's fingers were digging into the tree's bark, his eyes closed in concentration.

"What are you doing, Spock?" Kirk asked, exasperated. "Could we all start contributing ideas to get us the hell out of this, please?"

"I am, Captain. The plant life on this planet is exceptionally intelligent and quite capable of responding to our desires for assistance. I am attempting to meld with this life form and request its help." He let out a breath and opened his eyes. "I believe it understood me when I conveyed my need for assistance."

"Hey!" Nyota exclaimed. Her complaint was followed swiftly by the sound of ripping clothing as a vine snaked under her skirt and tore her panties from her body.

Spock's ears turned dark green. Maybe he had revealed a little too much of his desires to the tree.

"Perhaps I should try again," he mused, almost to himself.

Nyota looked down at her tiny uniform.

"Don't you dare!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Two**

Spock and Nyota were huddled together behind a bush, communicating silently as they decided their next move in the tactical exercise. Neither had been given time to change from their sleepwear when the maneuvers got under way; utility belts with equipment they would need were tossed to them right before they were transported into the game. Nyota was trying not to be distracted by Spock's long sleeved black shirt that clung beautifully to his chest - must have been meditating, she mused - however, he seemed to be paying no attention at all to her lack of actual clothing; she wore only a t-shirt and panties.

Hearing a branch snap on their left, Nyota drew closer to Spock to ensure they weren't detected, too focused on the training exercise to notice that her bottom was now firmly pressed against her partner's side.

The officers decided that separating at this point was their best option and agreed on a rendezvous point. Hearing rapidly approaching footfalls, they implemented their plan; Spock would dart away first, then Nyota, a few beats later, in the opposite direction. But Nyota had unknowingly snagged her underpants on the equipment on Spock's belt, and she froze as he sprang into action, unwittingly taking her panties with him. She turned, throwing her hands over her embarrassingly exposed backside and watching in horror as Spock streaked into the darkness, her panties waving behind him like a white silk flag of surrender.

Spock failed to understand how he was so easily spotted by the Captain, who tackled him to the ground, howling with laughter.


	3. Chapter 3

**Three  
**  
Spock was at the transporter controls. He believed he could replicate the conditions created by the ion storm thirteen hours ago. He would send back the four individuals now before him and retrieve his crewmates.

He activated the beam, continually making adjustments to bring his friends home safe. When their forms finally fully materialized, he knew that the Kirk, McCoy, Mr. Scott and Uhura before him were indeed the ones belonging to this universe, although looking a little worse for wear.

Kirk was missing his shirt. Mr. Scott was missing both his boots, while McCoy was missing one. The Lieutenant's appearance seemed normal, but after taking a visual survey of the others with her on the transporter pad, she turned her eyes to him with a look of complete fury. Had he not successfully retrieved the right Nyota?

She exited the pad, tugging down fiercely on the hem of her uniform, glaring at Spock the whole way as she marched across the room to leave, muttering angrily under her breath. Spock caught a glimpse of her bare butt as she passed him by.

"Damn it! _Me_...why _always_ me. Jim Kirk always without a shirt and now me always without my damn panties..."


	4. Chapter 4

**Four  
**  
"Oh! Sorry, sirs. I didn't know this lab was being used." Uhura looked curiously at the dismantled phaser parts strewn across the lab table.

"Aye, but dinna be worrying yourself, Lieutenant. Commander Spock and I were just finishing up."

"Finishing what, exactly?"

"Mr. Scott and I are like minded in our belief that our phasers' settings spectrum should be expanded and enhanced," Spock replied, not diverting his eyes from the phaser he was working on. "It would be beneficial, for example, to incapacitate an individual while leaving them conscious to allow for the extrapolation of information."

"Is that the application you are working on, Mr. Spock?" Nyota asked, eyeing the phaser he was rapidly reassembling.

"No. I am currently working to perfect 'guided lancing'.

Spock could feel Nyota's confused stare and continued.

"When negotiations fell apart on Sirus II between Sarek and the planetary government, one of my father's aides was killed when the Praetor's enraged Viceroy threw a biochemical weapon on him. It ate through his clothing and killed him in seconds. Two others in my father's party were irreparably injured attempting to remove the saturated garment. If there had been something to quickly 'lance' the clothing from the aide's body he would have survived and the others would have been unmarred."

Spock slipped the last piece of the now reassembled phaser into place as Mr Scott walked to his side.

"Let's test the thing tomorrow, Commander. I'm more than a wee bit hungry."

Spock moved to engage the phaser's safety lock when Mr. Scott unexpectedly clapped him on the back, causing the first officer's hand to slip and the phaser to fire. The three crew members dove for cover as the phaser's beam ricocheted loudly around the safety shielded walls, ceasing when the beam hit Uhura squarely on the butt.  
"You have got to be fucking kidding me!!!" she screamed, feeling a cool draft as she was once again forced to cover her backside.

Mr. Scott quickly looked away after getting an unintentional but pleasant gander at Uhura's bottom.

"Mr Spock, your modifications appear to be successful."

Later that day, Nyota cancelled her Brazilian wax, finding it no longer necessary.


	5. Chapter 5

**Five**

As she appeared from her hiding place in the lavatory, Nyota was greeted by a loud squeal from Gaila, who was bouncing with enthusiasm.

"Oh, Ny! If you decide you wanna get lucky, the guy is gonna be soo lucky! It fits perfectly!"

'It' was a black corset with matching panties, garter and stockings. The items had been bought by Gaila for her best friend Nyota, who needed, in Gaila's opinion, very much to get laid. Her former roommate was now her roommate again while they were taking shore leave on Risa. And she was determined to show the communications officer of the Enterprise a good time. It was a moral imperative. Her friend had lost her panties several times of late and had not once gotten shagged or even just a good licking in the bargain...something needed to be done.

"I really like the material," Nyota remarked, while checking out her backside in the mirror. "What is it?"

"Orion design, of course, and very special," Gaila responded while throwing Nyota her dress, a wide smile lighting up her face. "We don't care for the 'crotch-less panties' usually used to allow for unimpeded access. Poor men and the chafing, ow!"

Oh no.

"What do you mean?" Nyota asked, a distinct look of worry etched on her face. She had lost her panties enough recently to last her a lifetime. Not to mention she just wanted to dance and let off some steam. She wasn't looking for sex; she just wanted to feel sexy.

"If you get hot and bothered, the panties just take their leave! Fantastic, right? You get aroused and wet, thus resulting in the panties getting wet, chemical chain reaction and voila`!, the panties just evaporate!" Gaila was beaming.

"I'm going to change."

"No! Nyota Uhura, we are leaving right now. We are going to have a great time. No one will see if you get turned on and your undies go bye bye. Your dress will keep your secret. And you'll be glad you don't have to mess with them when the time comes and you want to...well, you know 'come'." She dragged her friend from room 1101-A and they headed into the night.

Nyota and Gaila got separated before the night was over. Nyota was not surprised, nor was she upset. There were too many men available on Risa for Gaila to stay by her side for long. And she really had had a great time while also keeping her undergarments intact. Bonus!  
Nyota ran to meet the hotel employee she saw slipping a key into door 1101-B, apparently delivering the extra towels she and Gaila had requested, so she wouldn't have to fish her key from her bag. When she said 'hello' and held her arms out the young man handed the towels over, his eyes sweeping over her form before he turned to leave. Odd. His expression had seemed envious for a moment, and then he sort of slumped away. Weird. 'Maybe he needs a vacation,' she thought.

Nyota walked into the darkened room, the only light streaming from the open door to the lavatory where the shower was running. Unexpected. Gaila better not be in there with a man...or two or three.

She peeked around the edge of the open door and dropped the towels in shock. No Gaila. Just her first officer. Her completely naked, hot water cascading down his body, breath-takingly beautiful, obviously very aroused, Vulcan first officer.

What the hell!

Well, there was no way he would come and shower in her room, which could only mean... Oh crap! She had gone in the wrong room. Nyota knew she needed to leave right now, but she couldn't find the ability to move her body or her eyes. It was like staring at warp core implosion - she just couldn't look away. Nyota knew from the fit of his uniform he was well built, but damn! Just...damn!

Spock's face was turned down, the hot water beating down on the crown of his head. He was leaning forward, one hand splayed against the tile as if he needed to brace himself to stay upright. Nyota watched as he brought up the arm dangling at his side, taking himself in hand and giving his erection a firm squeeze. She felt her body flush with heat. She didn't think Vulcans did that! And then she was quite sure the image of Spock doing so was going to be burnt into her mind forever. She watched as he began to stroke himself and she began to burn.

Nyota knew she needed to run, run now, but she just couldn't move! She felt her body sway slightly as Spock's hand began moving faster and he groaned. It was only when he suddenly, shockingly, spoke _her_ name into the steamy air, startling her, that she was able to flee. She darted from the room, dropping her purse twice as she struggled to get her own door open. Gaila was already there and she flung the door open and out of Nyota's way when she heard her friend begin to curse.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes."

"Nyota, what's wrong?"

"Nothing."  
"You know, Ny I can tell something...whoa! The pheromones rolling off you...Oh my gosh! Yay! You lost your panties!!"

Nyota felt the wet heat between her thighs and grimaced. Indeed she had. Gaila wilted, noticing Nyota's expression.

"But no hot sex to make it worth your while, huh?"

Nyota had seen it - she just didn't get to participate. Gaila frowned as she watched her friend shuffle into the bathroom.

"Let me take a cold shower, then I'll tell you the whole embarrassing tale."


	6. Chapter 6

**And the one time she enjoyed it...**

Nyota heard the door chime as she stepped shivering from her cold shower. She could hear Gaila talking, but couldn't make out what she was saying. Maybe it really was the towels for their room this time. She shook her head, still amazed at her lack of observation; sure she'd had had a few drinks, but wow. Then she shook her head harder, her mind's eye filled with a naked and wet Spock. In that instance her observation skills had been working overtime.

She walked out the door in the panties and camisole Gaila had left on the counter for her and rounded the corner into the bedroom, to find Spock sitting on the edge of the bed. Gaila was nowhere in sight. Nyota forgot she was standing there in nothing but her underwear as she stared, dumbfounded, at her first officer.

"I found towels on the floor outside the lavatory in my room. Your ID was under them."

Oh gods...

"I surmised the cosmetics on the floor directly outside of my suite belonged to you as well. Lt. Gaila stepped into the hall while I was collecting them and confirmed they were indeed yours."

Shit. Shit. Shit.

"Nyota," Spock sighed. "I sincerely apologize for the unfortunate and rather astounding ways in which you have been separated from your undergarments in my presence."

She didn't know what to say. He smelled really good. She didn't know what to do. His lips looked really soft. And then...she started laughing - hard. This situation was beyond ridiculous. He stared back at her, his face blank, not even lifting an eyebrow.

"I'm sorry, Spock. But usually when a man makes off with a woman's panties as many times as you have with mine, they're getting sexed up in the process." Her sides were beginning to hurt from the giggles.

At that the eyebrow did drift upward, Spock's head tilting to the side.

"I believe the appropriate response to that statement, Nyota, is, 'Is that an invitation?'"

Nyota stopped laughing, although she found the question hilarious coming from Spock's lips.

Had even a second passed before 'Yes' burst embarrassingly from her mouth?  
Spock did not have to stand to reach her, his long arms flashing out and seizing her, tossing her to the bed in a single, seemingly fluid motion. Nyota was caught by another fit of laughter as she heard and felt the clothing on her body being ripped away, her camisole in tatters on the sheets beside her head, the all too familiar brush of cool air against her exposed ass. She watched him crawl up her now naked form, her sixth pair of poor, defenseless panties still dangling from his teeth.

"Oh, now you really owe me, Mr. Spock."

He allowed the garment to drop from his mouth. "Then I shall endeavor to make proper restitution."

His head disappeared between her thighs, his tongue dipping into her glistening, still bare sex. She was going to keep him right there. For hours.

End


End file.
